Ask me no questions

You can read my stories on one condition. No #questions. No ‘Is this autobiographical? Who? Do I know them?’ Etcetera.

- Relax. Literally no one cares.

Unless I take you the point where you do.

- So you want me to? Care enough to ask?

I said no questions.

A Bad Bangin'

Gerry was in the mood for some NSA fun, so he posted on Craigslist personals.

The cops came a-bangin' on his doors, asking to inspect his home, or else.

Instead of '#craving a warm body tonight', he'd said 'carving a warm body tonight'. #vss365

Lint

‪You’re the only collector of #pocket lint I’ve known. You snipped out the pockets of every one of my pants the day you left.

I get it, girl. No pockets, no lint, no collectors. That lint jar still sits in my study. One woman’s trash, no one’s treasure. #vss 365‬

Sketch

‘Why does every #sketch look like her?’ she demanded.

I thought it prudent to keep my mouth shut. Really, how to explain that my hands never forgot the shape of my first love, my eternal muse? #vss365

Who does Jesus love?

- But nana, I really am the best in math. Stop! Jesus loves #humble children. He doesn’t like brags. Let others realize on their own - - If they don’t? Work harder. Years later, I watched the brags move up in life. God must hate them , I thought with glee.

#vss365 #tweetsweet

The only constant - Change

A story in 3 Tweets. Edited slightly from how I first published them on Twitter.

Part 1:

Yes, I’m sure I have the only room key. This station’s dead now, was the terminus till they extended Silver Line. A vase was moved? - Moves. Every day. To the table, into the sink. #Listen, I’m tired of talking to a new agent every day. Where’s Moylen? Who’s that?

***

Part 2:

Tara today, yesterday Moylen. Acting like they understand. I #orient myself to the new world each day, but it’s a new railroad, a new map, the moved vase. They don’t know what it is to be me, the only constant in a changing universe. I’m scared I’ve been changing too.

***

Part 3:

Moylen, Tara. Agent X tomorrow. I’ll bludgeon the sap to death with the glass vase. No one will know. Truth is there’s no rules. I try to #improvise, but no one cares.

You ask if this will ever end? It’s Newtonian really. Cause, effect.

Stop moving my vase, I'll stop my calls. #vss365

Consensus

Can’t #overlook this - he’s fucked half the women in the office. Consensual? Yes. Works till it doesn’t - his poetry, the lost puppy look. They find out he’s married. The Other Other women. They show up at my desk - HR! Help! He’s a legit asshat - But a legal one.